First of all, viewers can easily notice the huge difference on postures that children from separated photos take. In “Village School”, children are displayed in substantially organized manner. They are neatly seated on chair with their back straight, directly facing the front. No exception can be found for this common posture, reminding viewers of sense of order. In contrast with the mentioned photo, the characters of “Children’s Puppet Theatre” are all bunched together. Each individuals of the photo takes different action: screaming, curiously watching, covering years and so on. Unlike boys in the first photo seats orderly and quietly heads for front, the children of “Puppet Theatre” messily stand and watch over something in enthusiastic manner.
Second, facial expressions presented in the former photo look greatly contrasting against the latter. The boys in “Village School” look restricted by unknown reasons, and hardly reveal their emotions through their faces. However, the boys and girls enjoying puppet theatre are fully displaying their personalities, as if proving that all of them have unique emotions distinguished with others. They are fully expressive and not hesitate to react on play which is shown in front of their eyes.
Lastly, backgrounds are the one of the main reasons, which are responsible for provoking entirely compared feeling for viewers of photos. The background of “Village School” is dark and confined space, which arouse tranquil and ordered atmosphere. At the same time viewer can sense tension from the photo. In contrast to the former photo, the place where “Children’s Puppet Theatre” held is opened and bright outside, which induces vibrant and active feeling. The sunshine brightens whole bodies of children, which is compared with the fact that the bodies of boys in “Village school” are partly covered with dark.
As it is mentioned in previous three paragraphs, two photos are noticeably distinguished with each others, by three main features: postures, facial expressions, and backgrounds. The first photo is displaying sense of “order” in placid and dark atmosphere, while the other is expressing bright and lively mood.
Wow, your writing has such strong structure!! Your writing is very neatly organized, and that is really helpful for me to understand your writing.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be, “the two photos have three major differences of postures, facial expressions, and backgrounds.
For the word that struck me powerfully, I especially liked the word "bunched together", since it exactly describes the children's posture in the picture!!
Everything was very much clear, thanks to your neat structure!
I think there’s really no big problem. But still, if I can help you revise your writing, it will be much better if you strengthen your description in the second body paragraph. There must be some reasons that you felt that the children in “Village School” look restricted. It will be even better if you explain the reasons.
Overall, your writing is really clean, without redundancy! I really enjoyed your writing!
Your conclusion is very weak, you could have mentioned that you can tell things in what way when viewing a foto, instead of just restating the factors written in the essay. Although the other 4 paragraphs are quite good, the last one seems to me that it's just hanging on them. So you should find a way to strengthen the conclusion part!
ReplyDeleteYou had three points of view of comparing two photographs. You did good job on comparing them. It was easy for me to understand.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nicer if you had background about the photographs or interesting hook in the introduction. And also you could explain more specifically about the facial expression in the second paragraph.