I had very troubling times in 2007. I looked out of the window and asked myself "Why do I feel so bad these days?" almost every day. I wanted to be happy those days. I finally concluded that there are three causes of my happiness. I need to do what I like, be healthy, get along with family and friends to be happy.
The most important cause of happiness is doing what I want to do. I have to do two kind of kinds of things. One is what I have to do and the other is what I want to do. When I was in high school, I only did what I have to do. I just went school like others, studied in library, went two or three academy, then went back to home to sleep. This was really a boring period of my life. However, in these days, I'm trying to do what I like. I went travel alone, took pictures, absorbed in thought looking out of a train window. These things made my life much vigorous and happier.
People near me also are also cause of my happiness. Most of them are my family and friends. They usually make me happy by comforting me. This is a kind of routine happiness. I can be happier by just hanging around with my friends, talking to my sister what happened with my boss speaking ill of him. Moreover, without them you can not share happiness which is to be much bigger when greeted by family and friends. Imagine my family and friends are gone. I am now alone. There is no person to praise me when I win a prize. I may think the prize is useless without them.
In addition, I need healthy body to be happy. More accurately, unhealthy life restricts my happiness. I can do anything that makes me happy when I am healthy. However, I can't do anything without healthiness. A lot of money and pretty girlfriend are useless when I am laying on a bed of sickness. Simply, I could lose two things I mentioned advance. I can't do what you like without health body. People near me and I may be estranged each other when I lay on a bed for years.
I only have to do things I enjoy, have family and friends, keep myself in good health to get happiness. I think it is easy to have happy life in the sense that we only need three things to be happy.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteit seems like your introduction doesn't have a general thesis about causes and effect. But each paragraph contains a topic sentence that defines a specific cause although the 1st body paragraph seems like it needs more explanation. and I don't get what the sentece mean by 'talking to my sister what happened with my boss speaking ill of him.' You should clarify this.
You also didn't use connectors to show cause and effect with which you can make yourself clearer.
But your conclusion restates the causes and evaluation, but the latter one can be written more.
I think there are some tirivial things to be fixed (don't worry!) like 'I have to do two kind of kinds of things. ', 'People near me also are also cause of my happiness.' and 'lying' not 'laying' I guess^^;; and plus, 'I can't do what you like without health body.'. You must wrote this essay when you were sleepy, didn't you? haha. Anyway, topic sentences of each body paragraph are all clearly stated. and I personally really agreed with the first body paragraph..... one more thing to add, I think your conclusion is a bit too short.
ReplyDeleteFrom Nam Alexander to the Seunghyun Lee
ReplyDeleteWell done. There are lot of good points.
Introduction is appealing because it has feelings which were experienced by the author.
" I only did what I have to do"I liked it because it is true life. We usually because we must do something.
"without them you can not share happiness " I liked it. Because being able to share what you have is valuable thing.
"...it is easy to have happy life ..." I liked this part of the conclusion, because it is so optimistic and full of hope.
Structure is good.
"People near me also are also cause of my happiness" - may be "people who surrounds me..."
I enjoyed reading. Made me imagine the feelings of the author at some kind.
I had very troubling times in 2007. I looked out of the window and asked myself "Why do I feel so bad these days?" almost every day. I wanted to be happy those days. I finally concluded that there are three causes of my happiness. I need to do what I like, be healthy, get along with family and friends to be happy.
ReplyDeleteThe most important cause of happiness is doing what I want to do. I have to do two kinds of things. One is what I have to do and the other is what I want to do. When I was in high school, I only did what I have to do. I just went school like others, studied in library, went two or three academy, then went back to home to sleep. This was really a boring period of my life and I think I was unhappy then. However, in these days, I'm trying to do what I like. I went travel alone, took pictures, absorbed in thought looking out of a train window. These things made my life much vigorous and happier. By spending time with what I like, I become happier.
People near me are also cause of my happiness. Most of them are my family and friends. They usually make me happy by comforting me. This is a kind of routine happiness. I can be happier by just hanging around with my friends, talking to my sister what happened with my boss speaking ill of him. Moreover, without them you can not share happiness which is to be much bigger when greeted by family and friends. Imagine my family and friends are gone. I am now alone. There is no person to praise me when I win a prize. I may think the prize is useless without them.
In addition, I need healthy body to be happy. More accurately, unhealthy life restricts my happiness. I can do anything that makes me happy when I am healthy. However, I can't do anything without healthiness. A lot of money and pretty girlfriend are useless when I am lying on a bed of sickness. Simply, I could lose two things I mentioned advance. I can't do what I like without healthy body. People near me and I may be estranged each other when I lay on a bed for years.
I only have to do things I enjoy, have family and friends, keep myself in good health to get happiness. I think it is easy to have happy life in the sense that I only need three things to be happy.