How do you feel when you win in the lottery? What do you do if you hit the jackpot at casino? Perhaps you`ll be happy just to think about it, since you get a wealth which is the most important thing in Capitalism society. Like this, people tend to think about happiness caused by a huge factor. And they compare their life with the kind of vanity. By making a comparison, we can get unnecessary concerns and unhappiness. Then, how can we happy always?
At first, give a gratitude to common affairs. According to study, Bangladesh people, who living on one of the poorest country in the world, take the first place in the average of people`s happiness in whole world. They cannot have a powerful wealth and force, and most of them are having trouble with a life in account of absolute poverty. But they feel happy because they satisfy own lifes by appreciating every matter. We need to recognize the importance of satisfaction.
Next, do not compare with others. Once you take a pessimistic view, then you can feel frustrated by comparing with others life. Moreover, people tend to compare with the people who lived in better conditions. When it comes again and again, happiness is thrown into disorder. Happiness is not relative one. It depends on your mind.
And the last, get a self-respect. Materialism in nowadays makes human alienation, and it causes people to think that 'we are just a component of society'. But living passively decreases the motivation and allays interests of existence. Have a faith, and go straight. It can`t be unhappy since you consider trying your best significant.
Like this, we can draw a lot of happiness from psychological changes. Being happy doesn`t require lots of difficulties or sacrifices. Through the change, our life can be abundant, and we can become 'happy virus', making other happy.
Hi!
ReplyDelete'people tend to think about happiness caused by a huge factor.' this seems to be the general thesis of the cause and 'By making a comparison, we can get unnecessary concerns and unhappiness.' is the effect by the cause.
Each paragraph has a topic sentence defining the causes of happiness and the causes were well explained in that you used the example of agreeable backups.
But the conclusion is pretty weak comparing to your introduction and body paragraphs. Neither does it restate the thesis nor it seems connected to the other paragraphs. Besides that you included an evaluation in the conclusion so it seems to me that there is no problem with it.
Thanks for sharing your essay with us!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I thought was this is a well-organized piece of writing. You have an interesting introduction, 3 body paragraphs and a conclusion (even this part seems a bit weak like the other classmate pointed out above).
But there were some sentences a little bit confusing to me. In the first paragraph, 'By making a comparison, we can get unnecessary concerns and unhappiness' in this sentence, why did you put 'can'? Getting unnecessary concerns and unhappiness, isn't it bad thing? I recommend you to delete ‘can’.
Also, 'Through the change' in the last paragraph also seems a bit vague. How about change this into 'Through these small changes in mind' because your essay is emphasizing psychological part to being happy.
To Hanul Park from Shinhye Lee
ReplyDeleteHello, I really enjoyed your essay.
1.What I like about this piece of writing is fresh expression.
I like your hook sentence. It really hooked me. :) Also, I agree with your three suggestions to be happy. They make sense to me.
2.Your main point seems to be clear
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
“…this handmade cause of happiness” phrase is really awesome. I like this expression because it is not an old fashion one to describe “money”.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
“Then, how can we happy always?”; I think it needs to be changed as “then, how can we be happy always?”
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
I recommend you to use thesis statement on introduction paragraph. It would make your essay more logic.
Hanul Park, The causes of happiness, THU 11-13
ReplyDeleteHow do you feel when you win in the lottery? What do you do if you hit the jackpot at casino? Perhaps you`ll be happy just to think about it, since you get a wealth which is the most important thing in Capitalism society. Like this, people tend to think about happiness caused by a huge factor. And they compare their life with the kind of vanity. By making a comparison, we might get unnecessary concerns and unhappiness. Then, how can we be happy always? It might be changed through changing our views.
At first, give a gratitude to common affairs. According to study, Bangladesh people, who living on one of the poorest country in the world, take the first place in the average of people`s happiness in whole world. They cannot have a powerful wealth and force, and most of them are having trouble with a life in account of absolute poverty. But they feel happy because they satisfy own lifes by appreciating every matter. We need to recognize the importance of satisfaction.
Next, do not compare with others. Once you take a pessimistic view, then you can feel frustrated by comparing with others life. Moreover, people tend to compare with the people who lived in better conditions. When it comes again and again, happiness is thrown into disorder. Happiness is not relative one. It depends on your mind.
And the last, get a self-respect. Materialism in nowadays makes human alienation, and it causes people to think that 'we are just a component of society'. But living passively decreases the motivation and allays interests of existence. Have a faith, and go straight. It can`t be unhappy since you consider trying your best significant.
Like this, we can draw a lot of happiness from some changes such as giving thanks to all, not comparing with others, getting a self-respect. Being happy doesn`t require lots of difficulties or sacrifices. Through these small changes in mind, our life can be abundant, and we can become 'happy virus', making other happy.